


we'll always have barcelona

by reinacadeea



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, What they could have had, barcelona, mentions Robert's birthday, mentions of canonical child abuse and self-harm, sex happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-18 00:48:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7292794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reinacadeea/pseuds/reinacadeea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>i still long to hold you once more</p>
            </blockquote>





	we'll always have barcelona

**Author's Note:**

> By popular request I wrote barca instead of malaga. It's late, so late, but I got surprised by the fact that 'school sux and is like super hard', so here it is a couple of months later. 
> 
> Expect more from me this summer, I promise. 
> 
> The description is from George Ezra's amazing song 'Barcelona'. Anyone should have a listen.

-

Barcelona

-

 

Airports exists in limbo, always awake in some capacity, people milling about minding their own business. 

"Here," Robert says and hands Aaron a cup of ridiculously overpriced coffee. 

Aaron savours it anyway. He watches as Robert sits down across from him, absently fondling his phone and casting a quick look up on the screen showing their flight details. "Robert," he says softly and Robert focuses on him.

"What?" 

"Why're you sitting over there?" 

Robert frowns and then slowly breaks out a smile. "I didn't..." 

Aaron shrugs. "Dun't matter." 

Robert is warm and his thighs burn into Aaron's own when he sits down. Aaron leans into him until Robert finally takes the hint and places his arm around Aaron's back. 

"I'm glad we're going," Robert admits and Aaron knows exactly how much that admission cost him. "Just us." 

"I'm sorry," Aaron says and looks into the swirling brown mass in its sad over-commercialised cup. 

"Hey," Robert says and rubs his hand on Aaron's shoulder. "Don't be."

"I forgot your birthday," Aaron admits. "The big round one. Vic told me." 

Robert snorts. "Never mind that. I just want to go to Barcelona with you." 

Warmth spreads through Aaron's body, a feeling of contentment and rightness, and he thinks about the man he knew a year ago. If Robert of then could see himself now what would he think? Resentment? Denial? Relief? All of the above? 

It's no use now, though. This is him and Robert now, in the year 2016. No marriage, no affair. Just them and no secrets. 

-

He barely pays rent at the pub, but he knows what heat costs having lived off barely nothing in France. He enjoys the cleanliness of the bathroom of their hotel room, admires the showerhead - large and square, and doesn't worry about the bill when he pulls Robert into the stall. 

"What are you doing?" Robert says with a crooked smile, blonde hair falling over his forehead, making him look like the man he first knew in all his floppy-haired glory. 

Aaron places his hand on Robert's hips and playfully suckles on his collarbone. "Birthday present," he murmurs against skin and sucks, leaving a red mark that slowly turns purple. 

Robert moans, fitting a leg in between Aaron's, and placing one hand on the tiled wall behind him and the other on the nape of Aaron's neck. "Who needs presents when I have you," he whispers and brings their lips together in a slow and sure battle of lips and tongues, learned behaviour, familiar but having been dormant for so long, 

Some nights, Aaron never thought he would kiss Robert again. But he remembers why he let Robert kiss him in the back of the pub every time Robert responds to him and brings them together like this. So much heartbreak and pain and it all boils down to this. 

"You look like a drowned rat," Aaron comments and Robert snickers against his neck. 

It's fun. They are having fun. It's not a foreign concept between them, not by a long shot. Aaron remembers silly meet-ups in strange places in the beginning, barns, and silly texts that he's tried several times to delete forever. 

"Thanks a bunch," Robert says and winches when Aaron accidentally pushes him against the knobs. 

"Sorry," Aaron laughs, feeling a bit carefree and stupid. 

Stupid isn't a negative thing anymore. Not when Robert stayed the night and didn't freak out in the morning or when he found Liv for Aaron's sake alone, even though now Aaron knows he's resenting her for taking all of his time. It's supposed to be early days, innit, and Aaron is just... 

He pushes Robert away, taking a small step back and putting distance between them. 

Robert tenses, feeling the shift instantly like he's done so well for months now, actual months. "What?" 

"Sorry," Aaron murmurs and wrings his hands in front of him. "Sorry." 

He doesn't flinch when Robert pulls him gently into a hug and they stay like that for what feels like eternity, feeling companionship and calm. Calm is good, Aaron decides, makes his head spin less. 

-

He traces the hickey on Robert's chest later in bed, both of them naked and sharing the same duvet. He wishes they had sex of some form, maybe he could joke then, stop this spinning that's making him doubt why he came to Barcelona in the first place. He's left his baby sister back in Emmerdale to reconcile his relationship that's still so undefined he's hesitant to call it a relationship at all. 

Still... He's doesn't want to get up. 

The telly is on CNN, the only channel in English, and Robert is frowning, listening to the stock market and Aaron wonders what he knows, what he's learned in all those years away from the village. He's seen Robert's work at the scrapyard, seen the competence in all their paperwork now. He's brilliant, Robert is, when he's not being a fool. 

"Vic make you a cake this morning?" he asks. 

Robert shifts slightly, pulling him closer. "Just breakfast. The pancakes were shaped like a bow." 

Aaron tries to imagine that but fails. "She's a gifted one, that Vic." 

Robert humms in agreement. 

"She said something about a Michelin restaurant?" Aaron keeps on. "Just you and her?" 

Robert finally tears his eyes away from CNN and gives Aaron a fond smile. "I don't deserve her." 

Aaron reaches up and brings their lips together. It's the ultimate sort of intimacy, the sort they have never had before, the kind he could only dream of, and now that he has it, it feels rushed and too fast. Liv is there. His mum approves. Robert is being decent. 

Robert moves back a little and looks at Aaron seriously. "Can we talk about what happened in the shower?" 

"No," Aaron says in reflex, then remembers the promise he made Robert that first night after the verdict when he didn't quite want Robert to leave, when eighteen months culminated and he felt treasured and loved. "It's just... much." 

"It's gone a bit fast, hasn't it?" Robert says with a little smile. 

Aaron sighs in relief. "Can't get enough of you, though. Don't want you to leave." 

"I want you, too," Robert admits. "All the time. Sometimes I can't think about anything else but you." 

"Good," Aaron murmurs. "Good." 

-

The weather is grey when Robert opens the curtains on Saturday. 

"That wasn't part of the plan," he exclaims annoyed. "I was going to take you to the promenade and Las Ramblas." 

"We could go to Bernabeu," Aaron says and looks down at the hoodie in his bag. "The museum's inside." 

"Yeah all right," Robert says. "I never much cared for Real Madrid." 

"You don't much care for sports, mate," Aaron remarks and follows Robert out of door to their room. 

"Formula 1 is the only sport worth watching, of course," Robert says haughtily. 

"That's not a sport," Aaron says in the lift. 

Robert is standing with his arm pressed against Aaron's, too close to be friendly. Aaron presses back. 

They eat breakfast around the corner, ordering something called bocadillos that Aaron gulf down quickly with Robert staring at him quietly disgusted. 

"I'm not awake enough for your judgment," Aaron remarks and Robert laughs surprised.

It's new this thing where the laugh together easily, take the mick out off each other like they are just casual people - boyfriends. Together. They're not yet though, not really. That would require talking and communicating, and well, they're both working on it but it's a process. It's trust and all that. He chose to trust Robert when he allowed Robert to kiss him, but with a word like that... 

Are they really boyfriends? 

"Despite your nasty eating habits, Aaron, I still find you quite attractive whether you believe it or not," Robert says and knocks their feet together.

"That's a relief," Aaron says sarcastically. 

Robert orders them teas to-go and they jump on a bus to see Gaudì's house down the long main street. They stand in line huddled together, trying to avoid the wind coming in from the water. It's still grey. 

"I'm seriously considering not being cultural right now," Robert says miserably. 

"I'm only here for your sake, mate," Aaron says honestly. "You. Me. Netflix. Bed." 

Robert looks tempted. "Let's skip this then, see that weird church and book tickets for Bernabau tomorrow." 

"Good plan," Aaron agrees and they jump out of the line. 

Within moments, they're terribly lost. They take refuge in an Irish pub off to the left somewhere of the Ramblas and order pity pints. Robert looks miserable but Aaron feels more at home here in a dingy touristy pub than in line to see something he couldn't muster up any enthusiasm for anyway. 

"You don't have to prove anything to me, you know," he remarks and Robert looks up from his pint. 

"I'm not..." Robert objects. 

"You are," Aaron says. "You don't have to compensate for the bad weather... or anything really. It's just me." 

"I just want you to be happy," Robert says. "That's all I want." 

Aaron worries his lips for a moment, trying to formulate what he wants to say. It's not easy, but he did promise. "Happiness is subjective, Robert. You can't force it. So, tell me what you really want. Really want." 

Robert frowns and Aaron can see the wheels turning in his eyes. "Dancing," he says after what feels like an eternity. 

Aaron nods with a small smile. "Let's go dancing then." 

-

He's never been much for dancing, he can admit to himself, but it's not about that he can see the moment they make it to the club Robert has chosen. 

"I'm going to dance on a table," Robert says nervously. "Proudly." 

Aaron pays the ridiculous fee for them both and beelines for the bar with Robert hot on his heels. "Tequila," he shouts at the bartender over the thump-ba-thump of the bass. The bartender holds up one hand indicating five or ten. "Ten!" Aaron agrees. 

"I did this when I was younger," Robert says five shots later over a table in a corner. "Bar like this, it's everywhere." 

"Me, too," Aaron says. "Except I'm still young," 

Robert rolls his eyes. "I'm not that old." 

Aaron looks at the proud young boys on the dance floor, wondering how they find the courage, wondering how they find it so easy. Just the thought of Robert in a place like this alone on the prowl with the same single-mindedness he showed Aaron back in the beginning makes a sort of strange jealousy course through him. 

"Let's dance," Robert says determined and grabs hold on Aaron's hand. 

He goes reluctantly, but he sees the heat in Robert's eyes. It's intoxicating and he allows some of the walls chip away, his own well-built walls and prejudices. He's nobody there, just like Robert is nobody. Two men dancing in a club.

There is nothing to be ashamed off. 

The night disappear in a throng of people and good company. It's liberating being one in a crowd, a nobody with no history and no responsibilities. No one cares about the messy trial or his shitty childhood or his family. Feeling Robert's eyes focused on him and nothing else makes his blood course downward, lust colouring his eyes, and it's fantastic. 

They're standing in line in McDonalds with a group of Australians they met hours ago, tourist like them who looked for a good time. 

"What time is it?" Aaron asks. His phone died hours ago. 

Robert looks at his own phone, looking deliciously dishevelled, and shrugs. "It's dead." 

One of Australian girls point at a digital clock over the counter. It's light out, but Aaron still manages to be surprised when it says six am. "How did that happen?" he grumbles, suddenly feeling a lot more tired than just five minutes ago. 

"We had fun?" Robert says, but it sounds more like a question. 

Aaron snorts. "You and me, having fun? When did that happen?" 

Robert laughs, voice scratchy from use. "This whole relationship lark, maybe it'll be fun." 

"Yeah," Aaron says and cuddles under Robert's arm and into his side. It's cool, but Robert runs hot. He can feel Robert looking at him fondly and it makes all his worries fall away. Nothing else matters. 

\--

They make it back to their hotel room with a cross between McDonalds and smoke breath. Aaron's been bumming fags all night and he's been kissing Robert all night as well, intermingling their scents to a point where he can't tell where he ends and Robert begins. 

Robert's hands are on his belt, fumbling with the buckle, and his neck is being peppered with nips and kisses. He groans loudly when Robert grabs his balls in one hand, squeezing just right, and he lifts his own hands to separate Robert's shirt from his trousers and finally feels skin against skin. 

It feels different tonight, nothing like the last time Aaron sought out this sort of intimacy. They've been more careful than intimate. He knows the lines are blurred, doesn't know where his limits go, what will trigger and what won't. 

All Robert wants is to make him feel good, be comfortable and safe in an impossible situation. 

Safe. 

"Robert," Aaron whispers into his neck and he feels the other man still instantly. "Make me come," he says reassuringly and he can feel Robert's lips form into a smile on his neck. 

It feels shameless to lean against the wall, trousers and pants around his ankles and a disheveled Robert rutting against his thigh while he's got his hands on Aaron's cock. In the wider scheme of things it's one of the most pleasantly vanilla things they have ever done. 

It's about redefining themselves though, together and without the looming threat of everyone else hanging over their heads. It's dancing in a gay club together, everyone back home knowing they've gone away together, just the two of them. It's about laughing and letting time be nothing to worry about. It's about Robert and Aaron. The relationship that shouldn't but does. 

Aaron comes with a deep groan, his hands tightening on Robert's waist, hopefully leaving prints for days that only Aaron gets to see and know are there. Robert's body is his canvas alone. 

Robert pants against him, hard against his thigh, and when Aaron gets his bearings back, he pushes Robert backwards and against the bed. Robert's stares at him, pupils blown wide with lust, almost hungry while Aaron kicks of his shoes and the rest of his clothes. 

"I'm gonna blow you," he tells Robert bluntly, placing his hands on either of Robert's thighs. It makes him feel powerful having the power at that moment. It doesn't feel shameless when his tongue touches the tip of Robert's cock and Robert groans. 

Robert wants him, always wants him. 

"I love you," Aaron hears him say, voice shaky and stuttering. 

Aaron loves him, too. 

\--

He wakes Robert up with a snog. 

Robert hums against him happily, his arms coming up around him, and opens his mouth so their tongues can meet. 

"Breath mint?" He asks amused and Aaron nods. "I don't even have to get up?" 

"Nope," Aaron agrees and grabs Robert's hand, letting it slide down his spine and towards his buttocks. The mischievous smile that crosses Robert's face is worth the preparation, the bad angle in the shower stall and the hangover that's been keeping him awake for the last three hours. 

Robert's long index finger slips past the ring of muscles easily, messaging around the rim and sending these tingles up Aaron's spine in anticipation. 

"Brilliant," Robert mutters against Aaron's lips and crooks his finger, making stars appear in Aaron's field of vision. He is turned in his side, Robert lying behind him, and they're both completely naked this time, no barriers between them. The only visible one, the only one that tells the tale of their months of animosity is the condom wrapper that Aaron can hear being torn apart and the click of tube of lube. But then Robert is close again and softly biting at the shell of Aaron's ear. "Do you really want this, Aaron?" he asks softly. "It's okay if you don't. I still want you." 

Aaron feels the soft minty breath of his boyfriend (?), possibly, and thinks about what Robert is offering. "I want you," he says clearly, leaving not a trace of doubt in his own mind and in Robert's. 

Robert's hand leaves his hip and then he can feel the gentle press forward, leaving them both panting in unison. It feels overwhelming in all the right ways, the way Robert is surrounding him, both inside and outside. It makes Aaron feel good inside in a way he hasn't felt in a while. 

They rock together and Aaron relishes in the slide of Robert inside him, the slight burn that goes with it. Their hands are linked over his chest and for the first time in months, his mind is blank. 

They are both showered and gloriously naked lounging on the bed afterwards. 

"I don't know about you, Aaron, but I feel completely relaxed," Robert says and stretches out, his pale legs spread out alongside Aaron's own. 

"'s alright," Aaron says, lying on his stomach with his head pillowed on his arms. He looks up at Robert and sends him a smile. 

Robert's smile is blinding in return. 

"What do you want for your birthday?" Aaron asks. 

Robert reaches out and runs his thump over Aaron's beard affectionally. "You." 

"You've got me," Aaron says and lets Robert pull him around so they're lying chest to chest. Robert kisses hungrily and happily and Aaron participates because he can. "Be serious..." he says between the invading tongue. "For a second." 

"No," Robert says with that mischievous smile he does well and attacks Aaron's neck. 

Aaron continues on anyway. "It's what you do anyway, innit, when your friend turns thirty." 

Robert gives him an unimpressed look. "I'm not your friend."

"Special friend, then." 

"Aaron," Robert says, suddenly serious. "Can I be your boyfriend?" 

They already are, Aaron thinks, but he was fishing and Robert played along just the way he wanted. Still, hearing the actual words pass Robert's lips feel surreal and bigger than he expected. 

"Yeah, all right," he says finally and sees the way Robert relaxes his shoulders, like he expected Aaron to backtrack. "I still want to buy you a present." 

"What if we make a deal?" Robert says bashfully. "I buy you one and you buy me one." 

"My birthday is in January." 

"You didn't want to speak to me in January. Things change." 

Aaron considers him for a moment. "Nothing fancy. I want to give you something that's from me, something that's yours that I gave ya." 

"That's what I want, too," Robert says excitedly. "Let's go now!" 

Aaron brings his hands up and frames his face. 

"In a moment works, too," Robert laughs and brings their lips together. 

\--

They are packing their things to go home the next morning when Aaron tugs Robert down beside him on the bed. 

"What happens now?" he asks. "With Liv... With us?" 

Robert sighs. "I don't know, Aaron. Your sister is a teenage girl. It's not going to be easy."

"I need to try," Aaron says with determination. "She deserves a better chance than what I had." 

"I know that and I respect your decision. But you have to let me support you, be on your side through it. I need us to work," Robert says. "I need you, Aaron. I don't want to go back to before." 

"I need that, too," Aaron says. He pulls out the little green parcel from his pocket and presents it to Robert with a grin. 

Robert opens it with curious eyes and laughs when he sees what's in there. It's a key ring, a carefully picked out key ring that Aaron spent close to fifteen minutes picking out from a stupid gift shop. It's such a stupid idea, such a stupid little gift that he nearly blushed when he paid for it. 

We'll Always Have Barcelona, it says in block letters. 

"No matter what happens," Aaron says. "We fight. It's what we do. But you and me right here - this is what we need to remember. I want it to be us now, you and me together." 

Robert stands up and finds his house keys, putting it together with the keys to Vic's and Holy Scrap. He then throws Aaron a parcel shaped almost the exact same as the one Aaron gave him. "It's shaped differently," he says. "The sentiment's the same though." 

Aaron huffs when he opens his own key ring with the same words as the one he gave Robert. "Great minds think alike, ey?" 

Robert kisses him. "I love you, too."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on tumblr as well as reinacadeea. All comments are welcomed with open arms and warm hypothetical cookies! Have a great summer.


End file.
